A new way to spend this very cold Saturday night in my robe at my desk with a cup of tea and a piece of tiramisiu. (It's already gone as I write this now.) I have a stack of movies or Downton Abbey to watch online and plenty of knitting and crochetting to send my brain into a frenzy of new ideas to craft.
In the past year these Saturday nights have become more frequent for me. You see it will be almost a year now that I have been separted on my own raising and homeschooling 5 children. These "every other weekends" have now become my own weekends to eat what I want, reflect, read, take a class, learn something new about myself, even revisit something old about myself that I missed and think (there is quite a bit of thinking going on). I welcomed these weekends right from the start and during a difficult period I looked forward to the solitude. It has been a new journey for me to take these moments and learn more about myself. I sort of placed myself on hold during my 12 year marriage. You see I got married at 23 and soon after started my family and with 5 kids 2 years apart well let's face it that didn't leave a lot of me time in there. And don't forget to throw in a few life obstacles that we all go through to the mix of raising a family. Now at 37 onto a new journey of figuring myself out something I wasn't able to do for myself before I was 23 and married. Looking back WOW 23 going on 24 getting married give me a break what did I know then! Look at what I know now. I have gained quite a bit of wisdom to help me navigate through this next year.
Yesterday I posted my favorite quote I don't know who said it but it was something that was passed along to me.
"Become fully what you already are, in the deepest, most authentic longing of your nature."
I love this because it says to me exactly what I'm feeling and how I am striving to live.
With many changes and life lessons this past year it has been difficult to return back to this space into blogland. I miss it and have been easing my way back in here slowly. It was hard to slide back into this space sooner when I couldn't share very much and to stick to just the food and yarn and some books and pretend it was all going ok during that picture moment did not seem very authentic to me. The snapshot moment did not reveal the whole truth it seemed shallow.
Even taking the picture in this post with my sweet treat and tea I could have put it on a place mat on my kitchen table and a pretty plate but why I'm at my desk digging through paperwork why not share those little pieces too. Everything isn't so pretty everyday but taking a moment seems even more important to me now.